Habits
by tokonee
Summary: After, the breakup with Arthur, Alfred's life falls apart. Everything comes crashing down, more "munchies", booze & going out. Would anyone save him? Is he worth saving? (Sorry, I suck at summaries) Songfic - UKUS


**"Habits"**

**Pairing: UKUS**

**Song- Habits by Tove Lo**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**(Alfred's POV)**

_Oh oh_

_oh oh_

_oh oh_

Arthur…Why did we have to break up? Was I not good enough? Was I not a good partner? Even when I swallowed my pride and bottomed. I loved yo-hell, I still do.

Ever since then, my life has torn apart. Yes, the hero's life has been torn, taken, and ripped apart by him.  
>It has thrown me into a depression, and I can't help but get jealous when I see you with your new lover.<p>

_I eat my dinner in my bathtub_

_Then I go to sex clubs_

'My days are slow.' I thought as I ran my fingers through my blonde locks. My reflection in the mirror was horrid. Blue eyes that once were blithe are now darken, nubilous. I feel pathetic and I know I am.

My days are simple. I wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, and go out.

_Watching freaky people gettin' it on_

_It doesn't make me nervous_

_If anything I'm restless_

_Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all_

Going out for me isn't the normal going out. I go out to where I try to feel alive.

Sex Clubs.

The dance floor, people, dancing; seems to numb the pain.

I've been around in the club-drinking, dancing, grinding, fucking people then leaving them the next day. Anything that makes me feel numb.

_I get home, I got the munchies_

_Binge on all my Twinkies_

The slam of the door was the only sound that echoed throughout the shallow walls of his house. The exhausted American lugged himself to his room. He sat down on his bed, staring at his "munchies" and box of Twinkies.

The bottle of "munchies" popped open, and Alfred poured half of the bottle into his mouth. With a gulp of water, they all went down. Down into his system. Desperately, he tore open the box of Twinkies and began to force them down his throat, one after another.

Anything to feel numb.

_Throw up in the tub_

_Then I go to sleep_

Blue eyes parted open as he felt his hard, cold tile floor against his face. He instantly shot up as he felt his "munchies" and Twinkies come back up his system and out. The closest option he had was the tub. Sweat dripped down his face just as the rain fell. He heaved again and his acid came out.

A low sigh came out of the blonde's mouth as he leaned against his bathroom wall.

He didn't feel numb enough.

_And I drank up all my money_

_Dazed and kinda lonely_

"Heh, he still left some booze." He muttered as he popped the cap and began to drink it. It was a cycle, he found some booze, drank it and when he ran out, he would buy all the booze he could get.

The American looked dazed as he hid some of the booze around his house. He hid it for the reason, of when it got discovered he would think that he left some for him. It was his way of pretending that he was still here.

"He left some more booze! Lucky me! Arthur, are you still here or did you leave you again?" he said half drunk. 'Maybe this time, he left for good.' Tears began to drip down his face. 'Why did you have to leave?'

_You're gone and I gotta stay_

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_Spend my days locked in a haze_

_Trying to forget you babe_

_I fall back down_

_Gotta stay high all my life_

_To forget I'm missing you_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

Coming home, taking his "munchies" he could finally forget.

He laid on his bed, staring at his ceiling. So relaxed, calm, not a worry in the world.

Without his "munchies", he is constantly on his mind, creating more and more pain.

_Pick up daddies at the playground_

_How I spend my day time_

_Loosen up the frown,_

_Make them feel alive_

_Oh, make it fast and greasy_

_I'm numb and way too easy_

The next day, the same cycle, expect he's picking up daddies.

The blonde seduces men, fucks them and ruins their relationships. Secretly, now he's the home wrecker.

"It's all too easy" he says as he pops a few more "munchies".

'It's all a shame that they are such an easy catch. Well, I'm sort of hard to resist. Anything to make them feel alive~'

_You're gone and I gotta stay _

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_Spend my days locked in a haze_

_Trying to forget you babe_

_I fall back down_

_Gotta stay high all my life_

_To forget I'm missing you_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

The more "munchies" he has, the more he forgets.

Forgetting about him is the best way to go, even if it's only for a little bit.

_Staying in my play pretend_

_Where the fun ain't got no end_

_Ooh_

Oh how, the real world is boring. Alfred barely shows up to his job anymore. He rather stare at the wall, imagining if they didn't break up. What they would be doing. How their lives would be going.

The more he imagines, the more he thinks about Arthur. That mortiferous pain keeps coming back, stabbing small wounds into him. He worries if he gets punctured too much, would all the pain end?

_Can't go home alone again_

_Need someone to numb the pain_

_Ooh_

Loneliness.

A word he resented, he had to be kept busy. He had to feel numb, anything to get him off of his mind. He goes to bars, clubs-glory holes to feel numb. The sex, the pleasure makes him feel whole for the time being. Every time he gets fucked or fucks, his constant undying love surfaces and wants him to feel worth something.

If he isn't worth something, then why is he here?

_Staying in my play pretend_

_Where the fun ain't got no end_

_Ooh_

_Can't go home alone again_

_Need someone to numb the pain_

"Someone, anyone! Can you help numb the pain that my heart, mind, body, soul has been going through?" he yelled into his bathrooms mirror as he punched it.

Blood, his sweet blood, began to flow down the cuts caused by the glass shards. Surprisingly it didn't hurt.

Laughter filled the small room but it soon died down with soft cries.

"IM NUMB! COMPLETELY NUMB! SO WHY DOES IT STILL HURT SO BADLY?"

_You're gone and I gotta stay_

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_High all the time_

_To keep you off my mind_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

_Spend my days locked in a haze_

_Trying to forget you babe_

_I fall back down_

_Gotta stay high all my life_

_To forget I'm missing you_

_Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_

The American forced himself up, and dragged himself to get more "munchies".

The cycle would never end. He was a lost cause. There was no hope. Even after everything he did to avoid the pain, it still came back. And every time it came back, the pain was tremendous.

He wasn't worth saving.

He wasn't worth it.

'I'm not worth it.'

'I never was so that's why he left.'

_Oh oh~_

**FLIPPING CRYINNNGGGG**

**;W;**

**Glossary:**

"**Munchies"- Drugs**


End file.
